Birth Order

Your moment of zen - you can buy happiness, one laugh at a time.

There is much to be said with regard to birth order. Being the youngest child with siblings who peaked the decade before is strange. What I feel (and have felt for many years) is an oppressive state of regulated status. I am the youngest, the little one, the overlooked. I seek attention. I want to please. And I have never been inducted into adulthood, parenthood, or any hood for that matter, feeling like I have access to the  same degree of privilege as my older brothers. I know that some of it comes from the fact that I have never been the first in the family to do ANYTHING. I graduated last, I was employed last, I married last, I had children last - all those last places add up to one big "you can't relate because we are ten years ahead of you". Honestly, it's gotten to the point where I don't ever discuss my personal achievements with family for fear that they might fall on deaf ears, with my audience preoccupied with the next phase - something I'm certain not to reach for another ten years. 


And because I had practically equal doses of company (until I was 9 and my youngest brother went away to school) and alone time, I am most comfortable bridging the gap between crowded and alone, never knowing ahead of time which state I prefer in the moment.  On the one hand, I crave alone time. Picture a forty something woman turning up the volume on music from the eighties, and dancing like she's got something to prove. And yet being with people, all people, and relating in an honest and open format, excluding pretense all the while...well, there's nothing better.  


I know that my experience isn't all that unusual, but I happen to have a circle of friends that are rich in a way that I am not. Their relationships with their siblings are lovely, and while not always perfect, they generate and embrace kinship as a rule, even when it doesn't come easily. As they rally together with support and respect, I admire them. I feel lucky to know them because they treat me like family, and they let me know that "it ain't no thing" to include me. Thanks guys!