Can't Pick 'Em Anymore

Nora with her cousin Erin, a healthy relationship that
doesn't depend on me for much of anything.

I bet many of my peers can relate to what I've come to terms with recently. There was a time when the social lives of my children were almost completely orchestrated by me. I held the power position to pick and choose playmates on their behalf. And it all depended on whether or not I felt like picking up the telephone to arrange a meeting at the park. If I was really ambitious (ambitious enough to clean the whole house), I might ask someone I hardly knew into my home, replete with all the awkwardness generated by two strangers getting to know each other. 


When you are parenting very young children, this daily scheduling effort can be as much about your needs for social interaction as it is about theirs. And if you happen to be in the market for a new grown-up friend, with any luck and a little effort, you may find one (or two, or ten) - all this while playing matchmaker for your child. 


So now my oldest is in middle school and I realize that my reign as supreme wielder of friendships and play dates is over. Admittedly, I feel some relief. For one thing, the pressure is off. I no longer have to wonder if my motivations to have my child gravitate toward one friend or another are transparent. They can choose for themselves. And now I'm off the hook. I can celebrate much greater freedom by spending time with those whom I truly enjoy, without considering the impacts on my children. I no longer have to limp along through conversations in which I'm not vested. I can concentrate on myself a bit more these days, and it's nice.