Raising kids to like themselves

We are raising children in an era defined by parents who no longer expect their children to be seen and not heard. On the contrary, many children are encouraged by their parents to expect the spotlight, perhaps even fight for it. These parents demand that their children be considered for every sports team, every play date, party or sleep over. They heap praise, rewards and privileges to such a ridiculous degree, that the gestures themselves lose all meaning. Sadly, many kids being raised today are sheltered, scheduled, scripted and managed.

If kids are raised to think they have the golden key, there is no motivation for personal development. Every child needs to discover who they want to be and take responsibility for their own evolution. It takes work to identify and develop personal strengths. It takes courage to give sports and activities a whirl, knowing that your performance may not measure up against your counterparts. It is painful to take the vulnerable journey required to make a new friend, with its inherent ups and downs, and devastating break-ups. And it is critical that kids recognize their own weaknesses and learn to live with them.

When she was alive, my mother would often say, "You can't expect everyone to like you." While this advice wasn't easy for me to hear, her words hardened as a foundation for me. And over the years experience has shown me, regardless of what I say or do, that only some people (some of the time) can be counted as admirers. With that said, people young and all must start out by liking themselves.

Life is hard, and kids should always have a sense of this. If not, life will be simply too hard for them.  An authentic self lives within each of us. Allowing kids to feel the full range of life's emotional spectrum is essential if we expect them to grow and embrace an evolved state of adulthood.